I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
