I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
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