You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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