there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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