Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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