I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
this beer tastes like vomit already
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
