How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
