Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
