dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
