i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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