It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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