if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
