I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
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