the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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