Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
