So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
