Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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