You work out of a Hotel?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
