There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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