You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
