lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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