Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
