i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
