you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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