She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
