i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
