We're facebook friends in real life
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
