Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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