a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
