Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
