I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
