Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
