How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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