I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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