If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
