Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Randomize
