A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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