I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
