so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
