You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
