i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
