That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
