She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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