I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
