6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
