your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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