so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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