dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
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