So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
