there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
