you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
