i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
