I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
