can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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