CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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